monday

Oh no. I am really freaking myself out. I started reading Helter Skelter two nights ago and I am already 260 pages in. It is the most graphic, descriptive and disturbing thing I've ever seen or read regarding the Manson murders, and I can't put it down. I would be reading it right now, but I'm home alone and I'd like to be able to sleep tonight. For some reason, I also started googling haunted places in America and stumbled across the Villisca Axe Murders. Why am I doing this to myself?

In other news, I had a something of an emotional breakdown in my physical therapist's office this morning. I could tell that my emotions were getting out of my control when I started to get a headache- that kind of headache you get when you're trying to suppress tears. I was assigned to 8 minutes on the recumbent bike, and when I was done I was asked if I'd had a nice weekend. "NO!", I said. Then it all came out. Right there in the middle of the office. Another therapist brought me a box of tissues, and my therapist told me that it was okay to cry. When I told her I felt double bad for being upset because at least I could still walk, she told me not to feel like that and pretty much just gave me permission to feel what I was feeling. After a visit that lasted an hour and a half, I went next door to teach my class, and when I got home I bought myself a lavender donut and read Helter Skelter. Oddly enough, that made me feel better. I also did two loads of laundry and ate soup for lunch. There's my whole morning and afternoon in a nutshell.

Tonight I taught a class, and from there I took a class at Hot Yoga For Life. Jill was my teacher, and she has a special place in my heart because it was her class I stumbled into one night while I was visiting Keith before I ever moved here.

I'm off to bed.

sadface

It hurts my soul to know that I probably won't be snowboarding this season. I keep trying to look on "the bright side"- at least I can still walk. At least I can still practice yoga, mostly. Maybe I can start snowshoeing? Then I can at least enjoy the mountain and the snow. But the reality is that I am sad. I have just uncovered my passion for snowboarding, and to think that my body won't allow me to do it just hurts even more than the injury itself.

soaking pool shenanigans

visit

a very important part of portland. beer tasting.

a brief stop at tamanawas falls on mt hood

we wish we'd purchased lavender oil from this place

some people i love at mt hood winery

post-yoga tiny burgers at little big burger

through my eyes

latte from cloud seven

the sky today

jameson park

14th ave

sleepy simon

lovejoy st

monday

Today was a much needed day of blue skies and crisp autumn air. Keith and I took a long walk through the west hills and saw all the mountains (Hood! St. Helens! Rainier!). The contrast of color between the changing leaves and the bright blue sky was perfect. Exactly what I needed. Keith took this photo of me when we were almost home. Though I don't exactly look it, I was so happy. It's amazing what a little sunshine will do for the soul.

friday

I've recently picked up a mid-day latte habit. This is surprising for two reasons: One, I never drank lattes before. Two, I never drank coffee in the middle of the day. I blame Melissa Smith for this habit, and here's why.

In the two weeks leading up to my trip to Pendleton, I had given up coffee. I shouldn't really say "given up", it wasn't intentional. For some reason, I just hadn't been wanting it. On our first morning there, Melissa and I went to a coffee shack. She ordered a latte, I ordered an americano. I continued every morning ordering my usual americano, but I kept having coffee envy over Melissa and Jen's lattes. When Jen and I stopped in Doppio's on our drive home, I ordered a maple latte. Shit, that was good. Have you ever been to Starbucks and ordered a flavored latte? If yes, then you know they have a heavy hand when it comes to the syrup and the drink ends up tasting more like a liquid cavity than a morning or mid-day pick-me-up. At least that's my opinion, but generally I drink my coffee black. The maple latte blew my socks off. I ordered another when I went back there with my husband and aunt on Monday, and for most of the days in between, I've been ordering plain lattes from local coffee shops. And... here's why.

It's chilly, grey and damp here. Sometimes that in itself is enough reason to enjoy a mid-day caffeinated beverage. Also, Aunt Carolyn was here visiting with me until yesterday and we spent a lot of time wandering around the city shopping and checking things out. When we needed a break, we went to have coffee. Not only did we get to rest, but we also got an extra boost for the rest of the afternoon (and I got to expose her to really tasty Portland coffee).

This morning I taught yoga at 5:45am, but I didn't go to sleep last night until 11 because I was playing around with my phone. You know, Facebook, Words With Friends. Whatever, I was tired this morning. I taught again at noon and I'm teaching again at 5:30. At 3:30 I decided to march my buns across the street and get a latte from Coco. It's yummy.

Why am I writing such an extensive blog about coffee? Well, it was either that, or bitch about the weather.

thursday

Salt Lake City

Aspen

San Diego

Telluride

friday

Yesterday I came to two realizations:

ONE- Honest to God, I don't know if I can handle one more season of grey skies and rain.

TWO- I may not be able to snowboard this winter due to a lingering knee injury.

I don't know which of these makes me more sad. Some people enjoy grey weather. They say they feel productive, cozy, romantic, whatever. I am not one of those people. And trust me, I know that attitude is important. I keep telling myself that while I can't change the weather, I can change the way I think about it. But here we are, one week into October, and I'm already losing my mind. My soul needs sunshine. I actually quite enjoy cold weather (I love layering!), but I need the sunshine too.

I feel like bursting into tears! The clouds are suffocating my soul.