wednesday

I’ve done Mysore twice more since I last wrote. I made the mistake of going two days in a row, one of the mornings I taught a 90 minute heated power vinyasa class right after. Perhaps the mistake was not going two days in a row, but rather going on a morning I had to teach. I felt so weak and wiped out because I didn’t have time to eat anything or rest. I am a fan of slow mornings and yesterday was anything but. I decided to take today off, and probably tomorrow too. I’ll return on Friday.

In other news, I’m on day 10 of gluten free, and mostly dairy free too. Most days I don’t have dairy, but there’s a salad dressing I like that has milk in it so I continue to eat it. I think I’m feeling better? It’s hard to say, the naturopath at Yoga Pearl says I should give it a minimum of 5 weeks. I like being mindful of what I eat. I am a total label reader. Not sure where I picked up that habit, but I think it pays to know what’s in your food.

Today is Tiffany’s birthday and she’s spending it alone in Greece. Not the worst place to be if you have to spend your birthday alone, but I’m sure it’s still lonely. I’m wearing a pair of the Nikes she gave me right now. It’s a pretty safe assumption that I’m always wearing at least one thing she gave me since she gave me so much clothing, shoes and jewelry. I love it! 

best dressed

And now for something completely different...

I just came across People Magazines list of the Best Dressed Celebs of 2012. First of all, fashion is completely subjective. They have listed Gwyneth Paltrow as The WORLD'S Best Dressed Woman. No. Just no. And secondly, these people all have stylists who put their outfits together for them, and a completely disposable income. These people have an extreme advantage. Aside from Gwyneth, here's what I think about their other 9 picks:

Kate Middleton: The classic beauty. Does she look nice? Yes. Does she dress like she's 30? Not in my opinion. Most of her outfits look matronly. But, I get that she's the future Queen of England and has to keep it classy, so she gets a pass.

Emma Stone: The red carpet ruler.  Nothing about her stands out to me. Red carpet ruler seems like a huge overstatement.

The Kardashians: Brunette bombshells. I love the Kardashian sisters. Kourtney's style is my favorite. Very boho chic. I like it. Kim is a little over the top for my taste, but I generally like the way she dresses. Khloe too.

Miranda Kerr: The street style pro. She's wearing pants with a floral print in the photo they chose and that is a huge no-no in my book. I hate floral prints.

Reese Witherspoon: The hot mama. I do love Reese and her down to earth style. I wouldn't mind having her wardrobe. Jennifer Garner too.

Rihanna: The risky renegade.  I'm not sure what statement she is trying to make, but I very much dislike her style. Looks pretty tasteless and most of the time slutty to me. She has the type of body that she can wear anything and look good, but that doesn't necessarily mean she should.

Jessica Alba: The jean queen. Possibly my favorite on this list. I love how she is always pairing jeans with a blazer and scarf. I love that look and when I wear clothing that isn't made of Luon, I love jeans and a blazer. So clean!

Diane Kruger: The high fashion pro. I know nothing about high fashion and therefore know nothing about her or her style. If it's high fashion I probably don't like it ;)

Jennifer Lawrence: Best rising star. Don't know anything about her either. I suck at fashion blogging. Think I'll stick to yoga...

saturday

I'm happy to report that I'm feeling better today. Better for this moment. I have lots of ups and downs. From an Ayurvedic perspective, this would be considered a vatta imbalance. From a western perspective, this would be considered bipolar, or just plan crazy. I may be a little crazy, but probably not any more than the next person. I'm taking a workshop next weekend at Yoga Pearl called "What's Yer Dosha" with Britt Bensen Steele. It's an Ayurveda workshop and I'm really excited to have the opportunity to learn from her. I've been taking her classes and I always love what she has to say.

This morning Keith and I went to breakfast at Besaw's. It was a late breakfast, we got there around 11:15. Who goes to breakfast at 11:15 on a Saturday morning? Everyone. We waited for about 30 minutes, but then scored a really great table so it all worked out. I've been gluten free for a week now and was thrilled to see that they offered gluten free pancakes and french toast, as well as gluten free bread. The bread was delicious, not like cardboard at all. It tasted and looked a little like cornbread. Maybe it was? I stayed away from the pancakes and french toast because I'm not clueless enough to think that gluten free is synonymous with healthy. I wouldn't order regular pancakes, and I wouldn't order them gluten free either.

Last night after taking Britt's class, I was talking with her about my digestive issues and she told me she doesn't think I should be doing raw food as it can be very difficult to digest. What a bummer. I do tons of raw food and I happen to love it. But the truth is, I don't always feel great after I drink a smoothie or eat a raw spinach and veggie salad. She suspects I'm having issues with malabsorption. Sometimes my body feels like my worst enemy and I want to scream at it, "WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON, ANYWAY?!"

ashtanga day three, plus twenty pounds

I went to Mysore this morning. I had a much better practice than Wednesday. I felt stronger and more confident. But as I write this I am feeling very sad. I had a great morning. After yoga I came home and showered, Keith woke up early and we went out for coffee at Dragonfly. After that, he came home and I ran some errands. I ended up at Walgreens to buy some sort of natural & organic body wash, and they were doing free health screenings so I decided to get one. My blood pressure was low, not to my surprise, but my weight was fucking high. I have gained twenty pounds since I got married two years ago. Twenty! I understand that this happens to some women after marriage. They get comfortable, start cooking for their husbands and consequently start eating like them as well, and spend more time on lounging on the couch in sweatpants watching TV than they do exercising. But I didn't do any of that. Keith eats grilled cheese sandwiches, pizza, spaghetti and cheese quesadillas that he cooks for himself. I eat kale, spinach, quinoa, fresh fruits and vegetables. I barely eat any sweets, don't drink soda, very little alcohol, and eat very little processed or packaged food. So what gives?! I don't go to the gym but I walk everywhere I go, and I teach and practice yoga almost daily. I don't eat fast food, I don't lay on the couch all day making excuses, and I've been eating cleaner and simpler in the past two years than I ever have before. I know to most people this is a silly thing for me to be upset over, but I put a lot of emphasis on my personal wellness only to have packed on twenty mother fucking pounds in two years. Yes, I feel sad. It's not like I can say, "oh, I've gained weight! I'd better stop eating cookies and drinking soda and get my ass to yoga!" Initially I felt okay about the weight gain because my BMI came up in the middle range of normal, body fat was low, skeletal muscle was high and visceral fat was way low, but I made a huge mistake after that. I tried on my wedding dress to make sure it still fits. It does still fit, but I look like a sausage in it. Okay, maybe not a sausage, but in my opinion it looks pretty terrible. How depressing. And yes, I know, I am grateful for my overall health. I am grateful that even though I weigh more than I'd like, I am very healthy on paper. I know that people have "real" problems, much bigger than this. But still, it just sucks. I've always struggled with body image-related issues, so this is a hard thing for me to deal with. It's a demon I've been battling almost constantly for more than 10 years. I don't feel like talking about it anymore.

ashtanga day two

I went to Mysore again this morning. I set my alarm for 5:40am, and was please to wake naturally at 5:30. I love when this happens. I seem to have this internal alarm clock that allows me to wake up a few minutes before my alarm goes off. My day is always better when I can wake up naturally, even if it's early, as opposed to the abrasive sound of an alarm. Even though my alarm sounds like birds, I still find it a harsh way to start the day.

I picked my clothes out and laid them by the door last night so all I had to do this morning was wash my face, brush my teeth and get dressed. I was at Yoga Pearl by 5:50 and had already started my practice by 6. Today was harder than Monday and I was mentally taking a beating. I had a hard time getting through my sun salutations because of my weak and popping shoulders, and for some reason I was refusing to relax my neck in down dog, something I regularly correct in my classes. It seems that nothing goes unnoticed by Jason (the teacher), because I heard "Tami, relax your neck" at least three times from various places in the room. Jason is a fantastic teacher and pays close attention to detail. However, on a day where I was already feeling a little mentally week, I was wishing some things could slip under the radar. I asked him about the popping in my shoulders. He looked at me in chaturanga and suggested that I not lower down as much, and when that didn't feel better he said I could skip it. I hate not being able to do things. Part of the problem today was that I pushed myself so much on Monday that I was really sore today, so the weakness in my shoulders was amplified. I think it took me about 30 minutes to make it through 10 sun salutations (5 A, 5 B). I already felt defeated and I hadn't even really started. I got so lightheaded that I had to drop to my mat not once but several times throughout my practice, and I was feeling impatient for not having memorized the sequence. I had a lot going on in my head this morning. After a little over an hour of practice, Jason told me I was done and I could move to the wall. I was so relieved.

This practice is hard. I'm finding that it's stirring things up for me and it, at least for now, is requiring more mental strength than physical. Don't get me wrong, it requires physical strength too, but the mental strength you have to have in order to endure the physical is great. Part of me wanted to cry this morning and another part of me wanted to leave. I didn't do either, but I found myself asking "Why am I here?". Like Monday, I wondered if I will ever be strong enough to endure this practice? Will I ever complete the Primary Series? And more questions of that nature...

I didn't feel as energized this morning after class as I did on Monday. I'm not sure if it was because I was tired, the sky was grey, or what. But I do know that I plan to continue. We'll see what Friday brings...

diary of a brand new mysore ashtangi

I made it through my first morning of Mysore. It was challenging and humbling, but it also felt very meditative. I was the only new person in class, so that felt pretty strange. It's weird to be the new person in a room where you teach. Here are some thoughts that went through my head during my practice:

• Why doesn't anyone else have water next to their mat? Is it not allowed? I guess I won't drink any...
• Why are my shoulders popping like that with every chaturanga? If I skip a few, will anyone notice? If Jason notices will I get in trouble?
• How is it possible that I am the least advanced person in the room? I know nothing about yoga. I shouldn't be here.
• How many postures are there? How many will he give me? Am I going to be here for the whole three hours?
• My arms are too short to get my butt off the floor in baddha padmasana. Or I'm not strong enough? WHY are my shoulders so hyper mobile?! Will they ever get stronger?
• I wonder how long some of these people have been practicing? They have everything memorized and seem to float through everything effortlessly.
• Whoa, that girl has both legs behind her head and she's balancing on her hands. 

More tomorrow... 

super sunday

Today was a really great late summer day. Here's what I did:

• slept in with Keith
• made breakfast (scrambled eggs with avocado and green chili sauce)
• went to Dragonfly Coffee House for lattes
• met Kyle and his mom at Jam for late brunch
• wandered around Hawthorne with Kyle & Keith. They drank beer, I created an amazing blend of essential oils (dark amber, french vanilla & woodlands).
• came home with Keith and Kyle and cooked a superb dinner (wild alaskan salmon, brown rice, red quinoa, garlic, red & orange peppers, squash & kale)
• wrote this blog

Going to bed really early tonight... I'm giving Mysore a shot this week to see if I can find my groove there. I'm meeting Nikki at Yoga Pearl at 5:45am. Yikes. I guess I'll write more about that tomorrow...

wednesday

Let me start by saying this: I suck at quitting coffee. I have tried several times without success, and I always go back to it for two reasons. One, I miss the ritual. Two, I crave it. But that's not why I write this blog.

Do you ever have one of those experiences where you wonder, is this real? Like, is this really happening? This morning I was grabbing my latte at World Cup and I wanted to put some honey in it before I sat down (thank you, Hema, for that habit). The little bar with all the fixings really only has room for two people, and there were two people already standing there. They each had what appeared to be drip coffee, and they each appeared to put a little bit of everything in it. Sugar, cream, cinnamon, nutmeg, I mean a little bit of everything. I must have waited there (patiently, I might add) for two minutes. It got to the point where I wanted to walk between them and say, "Excuse me, but do either of you even like coffee? Why are you ruining it with all that stuff?!" I felt like I was in a movie or something. Like, they couldn't possibly be still standing there fixing up their coffee, right? Finally, the girl walked away and I added my squirt of honey. Now I sit, enjoying the latte and writing this blog.

Some people call alcohol liquid sunshine. Coffee is mine :)