soccer

Soccer was a little depressing. For some reason it has really gotten me down since I played my first game! It was very intimidating and overwhelming. I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't know where to stand or what any of the lingo meant. The team convinced me that I was not an embarrassment to them and so I decided to officially sign up, but I know that I sucked. It's not really super serious or anything, but it's really hard to have fun AND learn at the same time. My hope is that I will get the hang of it after playing a few games and start to enjoy it. But everytime it was my turn to go out onto the field my stomach knotted up. I felt like I was in high school gym class all over again. I wish I was more athletic. I remember when I was training for the 10K last year, I trained my ass off. I woke up at 6:30 every morning and ran 2.25 miles before work for three months and it still took me an hour and thirteen minutes. People who barely trained did the same or better than I did. And I'm looking at this Ikea coffee table I put together a couple weeks ago and thinking about how wobbly it is. I am so girly. I hate it. I suck at sports and I suck at putting things together. I'm so down right now! I'd like to get drunk tonight and that reminds me that I'm not even good at drinking. I had 5 or so glasses of red wine the other night and threw up when I got home. And the thing that sucks about me being girly is that I don't even do that well. I burp and have the same nail polish on as I did a month ago and I suck at applying makeup. I feel like a failure at life right now, and all because I was trying to have fun by playing soccer. I'm going to go cry now.