getting through it

Knowing that I am not alone here in Portland has been a tremendous help in my time of grief. Having Keith in my life is a huge blessing, and having such phenomenally kind and caring coworkers/friends has been a big help as well. To be honest, I have worried about how yesterday's events would unfold for months. I kept thinking to myself, "How will I ever be able to convey to others that Cindy is a member of my family, without actually being a member of my family?" But I didn't even have to worry about that. My bosses were so warm and compassionate.

Today was easier than yesterday, but honestly I think that's because I didn't think about it. People called to offer their condolences, and I thanked them kindly and changed the subject as quickly as I could. I wonder if I have an unhealthy way of dealing with death? I guess each person is different. Perhaps there is no right or wrong way? Talking with Stormy has been helpful in dealing with this, too. She is such a strong little girl. I say little girl, she is 15, but to be losing a parent, she is a little girl. Some of the things we have talked about seem to personal to write about here. We are planning to have a sleepover at my mom's house when I come home so we can laugh and cry together as we share some of our favorite memories. There are just so many.

Although Cindy had ovarian cancer and we knew this was coming, it didn't make it any easier to lose her. I said yesterday that a part of my soul left this earth with her, and I absolutely meant it. But at the same time, she will forever be alive in my heart.

Tonight, some salad, wine, a funny movie and a meowing Simon will comfort me. One day at a time.

xoxo-

T