HANDSTAND!

This is my handstand. Today is the first day I have successfully balanced away from a wall. It felt amazing. I felt strong and empowered, like all these years of practice really are paying off. You see, I have these really freakishly flexible shoulders that have hindered my practice for years. They collapse when I need them to support me. I'm still working toward building strength, but I feel like this is a huge step in the right direction. About a year ago I took Kathryn Budig's 'Flight of the Yogi' workshop and up until that day I had my mind made up that inversions just would not ever be a part of my practice, and I certainly would not ever enjoy them. Turns out, I could do them all along, I had just been letting fear get in my way. Going upside down is scary. Standing on anything other than your feet is awkward, because let's face it- how often do the majority of people in this world stand on their hands, their forearms or their heads? Like anything else, it takes practice. Practice along with a real sense of dedication to the practice, and a desire to grow, learn and build strength.

How do I know it was fear holding me back, and not my physical body? Easy. I've been practicing L-pose against the wall for a while now. I've been able to do it for years, but it's not something I practiced regularly. I have this great little hallway outside my bathroom that is the perfect space to practice L-pose and then kick the legs over into handstand. I realized this maybe just two months ago, and started practicing there. Again, not super regularly. In fact, I'd say I only did it two or three times. Each time I tried it I felt terrified. I felt like my arms were going to snap off at the elbow. For some reason a few days ago I decided to practice hopping into handstand from down dog at the wall. I decided to take the end result out of the equation and focus mostly on creating a sense of floaty lightness so that 1) When I did finally hit the wall it would be soft and controlled and 2) When my feet landed back on the ground it would be soft and controlled. I figured the pose itself would naturally follow, and it did. Yesterday I asked Keith to watch me practice and tell me if I was anywhere close to nailing it. He said, "try harder." In that moment, I couldn't believe he said that. I wanted to say, "Does it look like I'm not trying?!" I wanted to get frustrated and give up, but I didn't. Instead, I just tried harder. And the very next hop took me all the way up. I pressed my hands down into the wood floor and lifted up and out of my shoulders, and I was doing it. Holy shit. What else can I "not" do because I'm afraid?!

What an amazing feeling.