ashtanga day three, plus twenty pounds

I went to Mysore this morning. I had a much better practice than Wednesday. I felt stronger and more confident. But as I write this I am feeling very sad. I had a great morning. After yoga I came home and showered, Keith woke up early and we went out for coffee at Dragonfly. After that, he came home and I ran some errands. I ended up at Walgreens to buy some sort of natural & organic body wash, and they were doing free health screenings so I decided to get one. My blood pressure was low, not to my surprise, but my weight was fucking high. I have gained twenty pounds since I got married two years ago. Twenty! I understand that this happens to some women after marriage. They get comfortable, start cooking for their husbands and consequently start eating like them as well, and spend more time on lounging on the couch in sweatpants watching TV than they do exercising. But I didn't do any of that. Keith eats grilled cheese sandwiches, pizza, spaghetti and cheese quesadillas that he cooks for himself. I eat kale, spinach, quinoa, fresh fruits and vegetables. I barely eat any sweets, don't drink soda, very little alcohol, and eat very little processed or packaged food. So what gives?! I don't go to the gym but I walk everywhere I go, and I teach and practice yoga almost daily. I don't eat fast food, I don't lay on the couch all day making excuses, and I've been eating cleaner and simpler in the past two years than I ever have before. I know to most people this is a silly thing for me to be upset over, but I put a lot of emphasis on my personal wellness only to have packed on twenty mother fucking pounds in two years. Yes, I feel sad. It's not like I can say, "oh, I've gained weight! I'd better stop eating cookies and drinking soda and get my ass to yoga!" Initially I felt okay about the weight gain because my BMI came up in the middle range of normal, body fat was low, skeletal muscle was high and visceral fat was way low, but I made a huge mistake after that. I tried on my wedding dress to make sure it still fits. It does still fit, but I look like a sausage in it. Okay, maybe not a sausage, but in my opinion it looks pretty terrible. How depressing. And yes, I know, I am grateful for my overall health. I am grateful that even though I weigh more than I'd like, I am very healthy on paper. I know that people have "real" problems, much bigger than this. But still, it just sucks. I've always struggled with body image-related issues, so this is a hard thing for me to deal with. It's a demon I've been battling almost constantly for more than 10 years. I don't feel like talking about it anymore.